Friday, October 19, 2007

Reality Check

A few years ago my sister in law lost her dad to cancer. I remember watching her go through this tremendous trial. Many times I worried what to do to help her, what words to say or what act of service might ease her burden. She didn't talk about her dad a whole lot. I didn't know if her silence came from stress, or sadness, or possibly out of simple respect and honor for her dad.

Going through this same trial now, I am beginning to understand how she may have felt. I read my cute niece Carlee's blog this morning and felt the tears wash over me yet again.

I find it difficult to talk about my Dad. Sometimes the words elude me. And yet my brain is running at warp speed. I find tears in my eyes on most days. And yet I rarely give in to the intense emotions beating against my heart.

Those closest to me tell me I am strong, that I am coping well, that I am positive and resilient. But I am none of those things. What I am is overwhelmed.

8 comments:

roderickmom said...

You may not feel that you are strong,but you are stronger than you think youare. I know what you mean though, the other night at club my friend Lynne told me how strong I was and how proud of me she was. All I could say but .I ,m not. We will ge through this by being strong together. Love you

Melissa said...

Hang in there Jill...you are loved and thought of during these trying times!

Carlee said...

You are strong! You are keeping the glue together among this family, we can't have you doubting yourself :)

I love you!

Rachel said...

Just know I am here for you and if there is ever anything I can do... I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this! You are strong and a wonderful example to me - Love Ya!

bolingbrokes said...

You are strong...you are strong...you are strong...don't you ever forget it...and on the days you're not that's what friends are for.

Brooke said...

Jill, I love you and wish I was there to hug you. We will get through this together (some how).

Jen Sampson said...

You are an example to all of those who are around you. Crying is not a bad thing either, in fact I think it helps quite a lot. Hang in there.

M&M said...

Hi Jill, I just found your blog and it is beautiful. I loved your post about Miles, your tribute to your husband, and this one especially resonates with me. I am visiting my father right now because he is probably in his last days in his fight with cancer. I too think people think I am stronger than I am. Thanks for understanding. I look forward to reading more about you.